My A**hole Magnifying Mirror: Exposing Midlife Insecurities
Who the hell invented the magnifying mirror?! I just got a more powerful one and am now aware of even more problems than I already knew I had. And now I just need to rant.
Let me get this right - someone was lying around their house and thought, “What the world needs is another mirror. Not just the same old mirror, one that makes everything look much bigger and much worse than in real life. Probably a man, right?
And let’s market it to women! For women over 50, who may be starting to have trouble seeing, it’ll help spotlight their imperfections and make them super self-conscious. We’ll make a fortune selling all the products they’ll then go buy to solve all the issues they can now see in their reflections. And to make sure they don’t miss anything, let’s light it up as well!
Now don’t get me wrong, I know my magnifying mirror is really good for some things. It’s true, I couldn’t live without mine. It’s amazing for putting in my contact lenses, and making sure I didn’t miss anything after flossing. And back in the day, pre-COVID when I used to wear makeup, it was great for that too.
But here’s the problem. I didn’t know just how many issues I had until I got this even more powerful mirror. That mother f***er made it all very clear. I saw imperfections I previously and happily didn’t know I had! I was able to see a looooong hair growing out of my lip! (Even though I thought I had waxed my mustache.) I had more gray hairs than I thought – not just on the sides, but on top and in the part, as well. I had splotchy cheeks, dry looking eyelids and dark spots, ummm, everywhere?!
Now, I know in my heart that all of these problems are AMPLIFIED via the mirror, and nobody’s looking at me through a magnifying glass! And I know it’s even dangerous to start picking at your skin or using harsh treatments that could be even more destructive. So, I choose to just know that my magnifying mirror has asshole potential and try to ignore it when it’s not being nice.
But just for fun, I’m gonna’ go google best tweezers for removing a looooong facial hair.
And now, I’m honestly feeling better after that rant. Feel free to try it. Would love to hear that I’m not the only one fighting modern technology.