Do you ever just need an actual day off? Some space away from the daily grind of work and errands and cooking and responsibilities that encompass most of our days. It’s not easy finding the time, but taking a mental health day is much better than completely losing it. Unfortunately, I tried that recently, but it didn’t turn out the way I was hoping. 

The other day, after getting into five squabbles before 10:00 a.m. I decided it would be best if I just stayed home. Before school, I yelled at my son for leaving his crap everywhere, I rolled down my window and sarcastically thanked the guy who pulled in so close to me at the grocery store that I couldn’t open my door and get out, I sighed, loudly, at the woman at the counter who told me they were out of what I had stopped in for, I honked at the woman who thought it was a good idea to stop in the middle of the street to chat with her friend who was walking, and I even chastised myself for not remembering to cancel a meeting that I was now going to have to apologize for. Grrrr. 

When I’m even annoying myself it’s a sure sign I need a day off. So, I made a proactive decision. I was staying home alone today! Me time! And I was gonna’ do it old fashioned style! 

My kids were away and my husband was at his office so here was my chance.  I needed a break and I was gonna’ relive the good old days and relax in my own home, “old school style”, and I had until 6:30 at least!

The day was looking better already.

I threw on my most raggedy yet favorite sweatshirt that’s older than I care to admit and my high school field hockey sweatpants, the ones where the tie came out years ago and I replaced it with a shoe string. I put on mismatched socks, not caring they were a little holey since the hole wasn’t in a place where a toe would stick out and be annoying. Oh, and no bra, a given. 

I followed up with the other good stuff – makeup off, lotion on, contacts out, glasses on, hair thrown in a bandana to keep it off my face and also tied in a ponytail on top of my head. A strong look! But I’m home alone so who cares! 

I grabbed a bowl of cereal, plopped on the couch and put on a sitcom –  in the middle of the day! It was awesome! 

And then I heard the unmistakable sound of the gardener and thought about what I looked like as the realization hit that I forgot to close the shades. The gardener is the nicest guy, but the last thing I felt like doing was chat with him, so I crawled (yes, crawled) over to the glass door in order to close the blinds, trying to remain undetected. Our eyes met and I watched him try to contain his laughter before he turned the hose on higher and continued to water the lawn. 

I closed the blinds as fast as I could and leapt back to the safety of the couch. My cell phone rang, so I paused the tv. It was my daughter, on facetime. Vanity ever on my shoulder, I thought about what I looked like but answered anyway. She’s seen me much worse so who cares, right?! 

“Hi, Sharon!!!” And then giggles. She was with old friends who she bumped into on campus and they called to say hi! Holy crap! I caught a glimpse of myself in the top right corner of my screen and mortified, angled the phone away from me, lied I was home sick but was glad they thought of me and in a hoarse voice said I’d call back when I was feeling better. 

Let it go, Sharon. Nobody cares what you look like. So, I returned to my cereal, now a little soggy, but whatever.

My dog heard the mailman and started barking. Maybe it’s the book I ordered on Amazon 20 minutes ago lol! I still don’t know how they do it! 

My mailbox is literally right outside my door. All I had to do was stick my hand out and nobody would see me. So, I leaned out to grab the mail and heard my husband’s voice. “Hi Honey!”, coming from the doorbell! I swear for a second I wondered how he got inside the doorbell and then I remembered we put in a Ring!

If you haven’t seen the commercial - Ring is a doorbell gadget for smartphones. It lets you answer your doorbell from anywhere so even if you’re not home you can talk to and see someone at your front door. It’s a great safety feature but a pain in the ass if your husband is anything like mine.

I was amazed at how fast he answered and I wondered if he spent the whole day sitting with his finger on his phone waiting for someone to pass in front of the sensor so he could play with his new gadget. “Hi babe, you stealing the mail?” (always the comedian) and when I turned to look at where the voice was coming from I heard, "Are you okay?! What’s on your head?!" 

Without a response I slammed the door shut! Somewhere between embarrassed and annoyed, I yelled, “Seriously? Damnit!”, only to have Siri respond from the counter. Was that really necessary?

Suddenly, instead of feeling like I was escaping I was feeling trapped. Change of plans.  I thought I’d go for a run. Just had to find my bra…